never play flip cup with pint glasses
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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