hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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