dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
