Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
