I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
