Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
