just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize