the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
