So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
