Kiss
Puke
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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