It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
