i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
