I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
