just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
