I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
