I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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