bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
