she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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