Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
