No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
