no, he came in my armpit
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
