PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
