We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
