i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
