we made out on top of his cat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
