Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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