Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
