On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
