The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ketchup is God's man juice
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
