just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
