i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
