Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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