People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
