I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
