paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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