Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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