Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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