I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
