if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
