new low.... made out with someone while peeing
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
