Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
