I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My vagina just clenched in fear
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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