just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
