new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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