you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
