There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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