i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
