I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
