I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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