1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize