i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
