just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
