Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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