i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
