So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
