I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize