we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize
