I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
