Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How external is "for external use only"?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize