If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
