Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
