How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
