ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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