i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize