Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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