Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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