Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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